Tell Us About…The Road Not Taken
This month I got to choose the topic for our blogger’s group prompt, and I was thinking about looking back on the decisions we make that determine the trajectories of our lives. We often say “life turns on a dime”, and think of the decision to apply for a specific job that surprisingly turns out to be a career, to take a trip that results in meeting our future spouse, or even buying a lottery ticket (ok, those NEVER pan out, but sure are fun to imagine what you’d do with the winnings, right?).
When I was a teenager in the ’70’s, a young person’s life was determined by several major decisions, all which were made by themselves with no experience or perspective, or their parents.
The first was whether or not you went to college (university). Based on test scores, I was offered a full tuition scholarship to Mississippi State University for Women in Columbus, MS. Previously known as the Industrial Institute and College, it did not appeal to me in the least, in part because I wanted a more active social life than what I thought I’d find at an all-girls’ school. I never even went to visit it or applied – how arrogant! Instead, I went to the University of Kentucky, from where my parents and siblings had graduated, and most of my high school class went, and where I got a degree I have never used professionally. I have since come to learn the advantages that all-women’s institutions give their students. I do think my life would have turned out quite differently (and I do wish I’d majored in biology).
The other major determinant for how a woman’s life would go in those days was who she married. That is still true today, but in those days, it had much of an impact on socio-economic status. My college boyfriend was the son of a local farming family, who was a very nice guy, but wanted very different things – like lots of children (I did not, either then or later, as it turned out)! I remember asking my mother what she’d think if we got married, and she paused a while and said “well, if you want to be a farmer’s wife, and there’s nothing wrong with that, you couldn’t do better than him”. (He worked on our farm tractor for free, and she was most appreciative…) I did not want to be a farmer’s wife either, as it also turned out. We broke up and I moved to Germany not long after, beginning my love affair with travel.
Twenty years later, after my first marriage (to someone else) ended, I left a banking career, returned to Kentucky, and took temp jobs while I figured out how to re-invent myself. I was doing telephone surveys, calling businesses to ask about what motor oil they used for their fleet vehicles. It was so awful, I answered an ad in my local paper for a part-time job in the tasting room of a winery. It quickly turned full-time, I learned about wine, how to do Excel spreadsheets, and how to do events, which would become my career for the next 20 years. It was the most fun job I ever had, and although I was fired after 3 years, I am still in contact with most of the team of staff we put together, which brought joy to so many.
The last summer I worked there, I was working wine-tasting at a street festival in our town with another colleague. Summer thunderstorms kept cropping up, and we’d pack everything up, only for the rain to stop and us to set up again. After the 3rd round of this, I declared we were finished, and head off in search of a gin & tonic. We walked up to the restaurant where my colleague used to wait tables, looking like drowned rats. Looking for space at the bar, she introduced me to her friend Richard, who introduced us to his friend Glenn. There happened to be a free bar stool between them, and Glenn had my phone number 10 minutes later. He called the next day, and we’ll have been married 10 years this year.
Ah, those roads not taken and how our lives would have turned out if we had! We are so lucky to have choices women in other countries and other times never had. The schools we didn’t attend, the jobs we didn’t take, the boys we didn’t marry…I hope you’re as happy with the way things turned out for you as I am. We all had heartache and loss we wish we could have avoided, but we’ve also seen enough movies to know what happens when you try to change the past, even if you could.
See what the other women in my bloggers’ group had to say on the subject!
- Gail from Is this Mutton (UK) Gail took a different view, looking at two roads she was forced to take. How did they turn out? The result is surprising.
- Marsha from Marsha in the Middle (USA) – Marsha knows the roads she could have taken at certain points in her life. But, those roads weren’t winding, tree lined, and ending at her happily ever after. The road not travelled could have been all that and more. Does she regret it? Hmmm…you’ll need to click on over to see!
- Penny from Frugal Fashion Shopper (UK) – Penny definitely did not take one road she should have taken, but did go down another road, which was worth the effort, but she still thinks about that missed opportunity.
- Sue from Women living Well After 50 (Aus) For this month’s Tell Us About…..The Road Not Travelled, Sue from Women Living Well After 50, looks at why we should reflect but not regret the road not taken but it’s never too late to change and take new roads and opportunities.
- Suzy from The Grey Brunette (Portugal) – From planning a future in psychology in England to an unexpected love on her 16th birthday, Suzy’s journey unfolds, proving that the road not travelled led her to a life she wouldn’t change for anything.
- Debbie misread this prompt and so has gone on and on about the road less travelled in her post – the way she came to be a teacher via a different route than most would take. As she shows, the road less travelled isn’t always easy; it requires courage to step away from the crowd and define your own story, but she is a firm believer that we should celebrate the beauty of forging our own paths. www.Debs-world.com
20 Comments
Jill James
Interesting read on the life paths taken or not taken . Sometimes things are just meant to be. Glad even though the winery job didn’t last forever it had a silver lining. This one certainly was a topic that required much reflection.
BTW I have taken part but for some reason my summary didn’t come through.
mkmiller
Hi Jill! Sorry I missed your summary – those and the links are the hardest part of this whole group thing, but I do love getting to know everyone else. Thanks for reading!
Penny
Hi Debbie and what a lovely story of your life and the roads not taken and the very dashing fella you married 10 years ago! Really enjoyed reading this.
Btw I took the theme very literally!!
mkmiller
Thanks so much, Penny! I’m looking forward to reading everyone’s as I have time today.
Penny
OOOOOOh nooooooo! My brain is not working – so sorry Mary, got your name wrong in my comment.
mkmiller
No worries, Penny – I’ve done that more than once! So hard to keep up…
Debbie Harris
Hi Mary Katherine, this was a great prompt and I’m loving everyone’s responses. ALthough I thought I got it wrong it seems my post is sort of right! I really enjoyed your post and learning more about your early careers. Life was a bit different for us back in the 70s and 80s and you made the most of choices depiste not going to that school you were offered! Thanks for a great prompt 🙂
mkmiller
Thanks, Deb. I think all our different takes on the topic make it even more fun! I really enjoyed reading yours, and I’m looking forward to getting to the others today.
Gail
MK this was such a great prompt, I feel like I know so much more about everyone! Fascinating to learn about your career history. We have a couple of paralels too – both had 2 marriages, no children, time in Germany…..The key learning coming through is that sometimes yes we could have taken a different path but we don’t have too many regrets about what we ended up with.
mkmiller
Thanks, Gail! I’d love to compare notes, and hear about your time in Germany – I’ve wanted to meet you IRL for a while. One of my favorite things about blogging is getting to know all these incredible women from every part of the globe, hence a prompt like this one and Home Towns – it helps me place everyone in my head. As for regrets, as someone else said, “it’s not about getting what you want – it’s about wanting what you have”. I also feel like those of us who got it right on the 2nd marriage are just a bit more grateful for everything good.
jodie filogomo
I can go down that rabbit hole a ton. Abusive first marriage?? Makes me appreciate Rob so much more, and definitely made me more empathetic to others in the same situation.
But you’re right that we are blessed to have so many of the options we have in our country. I couldn’t imagine not being educated or having the choices we have.
BTW, I love that photo of you at the winery…so cute.
XOXO
Jodie
mkmiller
Sorry I haven’t replied to this! I know we have some common experiences with our first marriages, but here’s to getting it right the second time around! We have what my friend Stephanie calls “grateful love”!
Suzanne
Great prompt. The movie ‘Sliding Doors’ comes to mind. Glad your choices led to a happy life.
mkmiller
I have always wanted to see that, so it’s now further up the list, Suzanne.
Marsha Banks
MK, this was a tough yet wonderful prompt. I have loved reading everyone’s responses. I agree with you about the choices we had back in the 70s. I was lucky because my choice always was to be a teacher. I probably came out of the womb with a piece of chalk in one hand! But, don’t you wonder what happened to women who conformed and would have made great doctors, researchers, and scientists? I’m so glad young women (and older) have more choices now.
I loved reading your life’s tale! How wonderful you got rained on so much at that street festival! Isn’t it funny how a single moment can change so much?
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
mkmiller
Marsha, I remember some elementary school teachers who clearly did NOT like children, and I always wondered if they just couldn’t stomach being a nurse – because those were a woman’s two choices in those days!
Suzy Turner
What a brilliant prompt, MK!
I’m finally getting round to reading everyone’s posts (I’ve been travelling for a few days) and I’m loving them…it’s fascinating finding out when and what everyone’s choices were at different times of their lives.
Your job at the winery sounded like fun and led you to your love which is wonderful!
Hugs
Suzy xx
mkmiller
Thanks so much, Suzy – I LOVE getting to peek inside everyone’s lives like this!
Leslie Susan Clingan
Your prompt sparked such interesting reflection and posts from the group. I feel like I know everyone a little better for having read about their road not travelled. I went to a small private liberal arts college my freshman year and thought I wanted to be a doctor. Until I realized I didn’t want to study that hard!! Maybe I could marry a doctor?
So glad that your windy road led to a job you loved and your own Prince Charming. My first boyfriend’s name was Glen and I thought we would get married. But he wound up getting into drugs and dropping out of college and we split up. It took me years to find my Prince Charming but I finally did on Match.com. Thankful you and I both have our happily ever afters.
mkmiller
You know, Leslie, Glenn and I were also both on Match.com at the same time, but he never posted a photo, and I never looked at those – so only later did we meet in person! Here’s to happy ever afters…