Tell Me About….Beauty
This month’s blogger’s prompt is from Marsha in the Middle, and it’s beauty, which stumped me at first (I could only think of photos of flowers), then I found it more intriguing the more I thought about it.
Women are taught from a very young age that their most important asset is beauty. The first compliment little girls hear is that they’re pretty, their clothes are pretty, their hair, their dolls, etc. The older the adult doing the complimenting, the less likely they are to ask a girl what her favorite book is, her favorite subject in school or her favorite game. When someone posts a photo of their daughter on social media, whether they’ve just won an academic award, sports championship or artistic performance, most of the comments will just talk about how beautiful she is.
The magazines women my age grew up with reinforced this. Conde Nast Publishing – I’m talking to you! First Seventeen, then Glamor, taught us that if we couldn’t achieve that air-brushed perfection, we were doing it wrong. But in their pages were all the clothes and products that could rescue us from our current unpopularity and looming spinster-hood – woo hoo!
Before this turns into a into a longer feminist rant than it already is, I want to look at this from the personal point-of-view of a 60-something who is trying to balance “aging gracefully” without the dreaded “letting herself go”, and thinking about what we each think is too much, and where we draw the line.
Let’s take eyelashes. Like most people, I didn’t appreciate my long, lush ones when I had them, then somewhere in my 50’s, they took early retirement. Didn’t grow, didn’t show up much at all – pffft. I still used mascara, but to no avail. My esthetician friend dyed them (no noticable improvement), and I struggled with false eyelashes, never once succeeding in getting them on. I tried a couple of eyelash serums, but was not consistent or patient enough with my application to make any difference.
Then one of my blogger heroes, Catherine Summers, raved about a brand called Revitalash, showed photos and swore how it worked for her. So I tried it, and it did work! People comment on them, including the person who did my last facial. But it’s expensive…so I tried a few others and have landed on NYK1, (thank you, Nikki Garnett of Midlife Chic) which is about half the price, and DOES work, but you do have to be diligent in using it. And keep using it.
So am I any more vain about my eyelashes than those with the 1″ falsies that look ridiculous to me? I don’t have hair extensions, but I spend an obscene amount on my haircut and color. I don’t get a spray tan, mostly because I’m too cheap and it creeps me out, but I’m not creeped out by using gradual tanning lotion – which is almost as fake. I haven’t had any “work” done, but I want the best face cream I can afford to combat wrinkles.
I just returned from a trip to San Diego for a very glamorous wedding (future post, for sure…) Sure, there were lots of Botox-ed faces and designer gowns. The most beautiful things I saw there were: the bride’s bouquet of white orchids, the patience of the groom for his adorably disorganized bride, the bride’s pride in her extended expatriate family and their culture, and the voice of the opera singer who serenaded us all during the reception.
And as I sit on my porch finishing this post, I’m watching a ruby-throated hummingbird feast at the feeder I filled last night with sugar water, and thinking this is the last word on beauty for me, tonight.
Here’s what the other bloggers in my group had to say on the subject this month:
For this month’s Tell Us About prompt ‘beauty,’ Leslie shares some of the things that make her world a more beautiful place. https://onceuponatimehappilyeverafter.com
Jill’s take on beauty was looking at it in many forms . https://grown-upglamour.com/
Sue from Women Living Well After 50 explores beauty in all forms and discusses how we can thrive by putting the focus on our inner beauty as well as the beauty that surrounds us. Thriving through inner beauty (womenlivingwellafter50.com.au
In this month’s edition of Tell Us About…Beauty, Suzy delves into the journey of self-love and embracing authentic beauty, wrinkles and all. Find her over at www.suzyturner.com
While Marsha proposed the theme of beauty, she’s not talking beauty in the fashion world. Instead, she’s writing about the beauty we can see all around us. https://marshainthemiddle.com/
Debbie has asked some special women in her life for their thoughts on beauty, which may be cheating in some ways but…their words are all heartbreakingly beautiful and make for inspiring reading! https://debs-world.com/2024/06/20/tell-us-about-beauty/
Penny looked at beauty from all angles (because there are so many aspects of this idea of beauty) and decided to write mainly about the history of eyebrows! https://frugalfashionshopper.co.uk/
Gail at Is This Mutton looks at the concept of beauty over the ages and how women still suffer to conform to society’s expectations. www.isthismutton.com
14 Comments
Jill James
Reading your post I found myself nodding in agreement with your thoughts on beauty. I think we all come to appreciate what true beauty is over time as your final words reflect. Isn’t it a shame it takes women so long to get there. I have enjoyed seeing the wedding photos on IG , that was some event.
mkmiller
Thanks, Jill. Oh, to know have had the wisdom and confidence back then, eh? But it obviously took all these years to get there, and it all has to be earned, doesn’t it? Glad you enjoyed the wedding coverage – it was the wildest one I’ve ever been to!
Marsha Banks
Wow, wow, wow!!! You are so right about how we treat little girls. And, I have to admit I’m guilty of it, too. You can bet I’ll be reining that in. I do have those kinds of talks with my granddaughters, though…what are they reading, what’s the best thing that happened to them, etc. My grandson is at the age where he just grunts at me!
I use Borboleta for my eyelashes. And, you’re right about having to be diligent. I know what you mean, though, about treading that fine line between aging gracefully and letting myself go. I’m not averse to some laser treatments to reverse those sunspots (remember lying in the sun with the baby oil and iodine), and I do spend a lot of money on skin care. The med spa I go to does threading..have you heard of that? They actually put threads of some kind into your face through a calendula and pull your face up. It’s called the poor woman’s facelift! It makes me shudder to even think about it!
I loved the feminist rant, by the way! We have to make some noise, right?
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
mkmiller
Marsha, I know a couple of people who’ve had “threading” done. I guess it was improvement that they could see, but I couldn’t really, and it DOES give me the heeby-jeebies. I DO remember broiling in the sun with iodine and baby oil! I’ve had one spot of skin cancer removed on my arm, and hoping not to have any more…
Penny
Oh please do more feminist rants – the world needs them!!!
Yes, absolutely to how we voice our opinions about young girls. I now have my first grand-daughter (aged 15 months) and I do keep telling her she’s beautiful. I shall watch how this goes.
As for ageing gracefully – I personally think (at the age of 78) that one should age disgracefully and take absolutely no notice whatsoever as to what one is supposed to wear or look like. But don’t do the work on the face – don’t ever apolgise for a lined face, it’s yours to honour. Just been to the Vivienne Westwood exhibtion and that was one women who aged incredibly well wearing outrageous clothes and wearing her facial lines for all to see – my new role model!
mkmiller
Penny, at 78, you are MY fashion icon! Just the right amount of style (and thrifted – even better!) without going over the top.
jodie filogomo
We get brainwashed at a young age, don’t we?? It’s not like beauty isn’t a wonderful factor and we should appreciate it, but it shouldn’t be the end all.
I always laugh that I enjoy beauty in my outfits and I use all of that face cream and such, but I don’t paint my fingernails because it just doesn’t last. I appreciate it on others though.
OXOX
Jodie
PS, I couldn’t find your post as the first post on your site. For some reason I had to search for Beauty for it to come up. ????
mkmiller
I don’t do fingernails either, Jodie, but I do toenails just for me – haha! Hope I fixed the post to the top now, thanks!
Suzanne Vosbikian
Your honesty is refreshing, and while I loved your rant, I also appreciated your eyelash story. There are two sides to every coin, and it’s wise to acknowledge both. Nice post.
mkmiller
Thanks very much, Suzanne! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
Leslie Susan Clingan
First of all, I appreciate the suggestion that we ask girls more thoughtful questions and compliment them on things other than a pretty dress or the way they are wearing their hair. I once read or heard somewhere that the most meaningful compliments are those that are specific. And the compliments and comments you suggest would be very specific to the girl being addressed. Bravo!!
My daughter sent me Revitalash for my birthday. It does work well. And I am not that focused on my eyelashes, or actually anything else too much. I am rather hit or miss about it all – the creams and lotions, eyelash serum, makeup, hair products. I could probably look a whole lot more put together if I did exert more effort on myself but I don’t have the money or the energy to worry about it. And so my hair has gone salt and pepper, my coloring is actually sunkissed, and I am trying to embrace my wrinkles by calling them laugh lines.
Like you I struggle between aging gracefully and letting myself go. I am probably most concerned with my weight and exercising and trying to figure out what is age appropriate for me to wear. So much fun, all of this!! But I am thankful to have made it to 66 in good health. And I adore being a grandmother.
Your post was such a good read. And the beauty of a hummingbird indeed the last word on the subject.
mkmiller
Thanks for such a kind, thoughtful post, Leslie. I was just writing in this month’s post about how important it is to reply to comments, and I find I have a bunch I haven’t! I’m pretty happy to be here at 63 as well – we all know folks who weren’t this lucky. What I really value now is confidence and compassion. And I didn’t have this much of either at any younger age. Thanks so much for reading.
Gail
Originally I was going to write a very similar post. When my mother was a child, being pretty was all that mattered. The older relatives muttered (in her hearing) how it was a shame she had to wear glasses and was now plain. My mum still has the same beliefs to some extent, and I encouraged her not to keep telling my niece how pretty she is, but to ask her what she’s reading. I swear by Revitalash but have been using a different one, nowhere near as good. My eyebrows are rubbish through over plucking, but I’m too scared to try microblading. Growing old is difficult because we feel the same but see ourselves, and others, looking different.
mkmiller
Sorry for delayed reply, Gail (the end of June was a blur). I think it’s taken most of us decades to get to this point of acceptance, and realizing what’s really important.